Today I went to therapy and we talked about weight loss for me. He made the observation that I don't want people to pay attention to me. I thought about it for awhile. One of the supervisors today said that I was a "force to be reckoned with". I don't get that first of all. I'm not a force - I'm just . . . me, I guess. I don't want to be a force, I just want to do a good job and have a good reputation. It sort of freaks me out that people would pay attention to me or have me as the center of attention. Anyway, so I stay heavy to avoid people paying attention to me or something. I don't know - maybe.

I also was talking about God. God is so HUGE to me right now - He loves me and I really don't get it, but for now I'm okay with that. It's okay that I'm covered in warts and pimples and jelly rolls because He loves me in that moment, with every flaw apparent. I think about being a mom and there are some times when it is REALLY hard to love my kids. Because they've eaten my last nutter bar or whatever. But God loves me with this overwhelming amazing love that knows no bounds and has no end. I don't get it, but that's all right for today.

Well, all weight loss buddies. . . have a great weekend. Don't drink too much or eat too much. Hug your family and love on those around you. Drive carefully.

Love

Connie

Today was not a happy day - food wise.  But the training I'm going to is sort of interesting.  There's this "change plan" thing which is used for motivational interviewing which is helpful for work (hence the whole work training thing).  Of course, they provided doughnuts and cookies and chips and all sorts of yummy things that send me into a food coma and make it impossible for me to stay awake.  Seriously, what's up with that?  So we're in a food coma and learn nothing because we're basically asleep during the rest of the training.  At least Rena was with me so I could look at her doodles and be entertained.  But we did miss Stephanie ( :  So here's a shout out to Steph and Rena (  :  You guys rock, no seriously you do.   Anyway, I'm reading this book Esther by Charles Swindoll because it was recommended to me by my therapist in getting my head on straight to lose weight and be healthy.  So far my head is still crooked, but here's hoping.  So weight loss tip of the day - don't go to trainings and eat doughnuts.  Bring almonds or something and munch that instead.  And drink Propel instead of Diet Coke for like 1 or 2 drinks a day.  It's pretty yummy and has like 50 calories ( :

So this post doesn't have much to do with weight loss.  This whole blogging thing is sort of therapeutic, cathartic almost.  Today I was overwhelmed by the knowledge that Jesus pursues me quite desperately.  I've struggled for so long with believing that God wanted to have anything to do with me because, quite frankly, I'm pretty screwed up.  Today God gave me a song in my head that wove through my day "Unbelievable" by DownHere - awesome song.  Then one of my new coworkers was such a blessing, reminding me that God is interested in the nitty gritty details of my life.  And I spent some time under a bridge, talking to some homeless folk and thinking about how hard I was looking for this one client and how that relates to how hard God looks for me when I manage to lose myself.  It was pretty amazing, all in all.  Anyway - so there are some random thought for the day.  My eating was decent today, not great - but I walked for 1/2 hour at lunch - my calves are killing me (  :  Thanks to anyone reading this randomness and please feel free to comment, or question, or yell or whatever (  :  

The second day

So in order to move forward on this weight loss journey I find myself on, I signed up for weight watchers online.  And logged my food today.  Well.  So I've eaten enough today to use up almost all my weekly points.  Yikes.  And it wasn't even really a bad day or anything.  I didn't really have a good reason to overeat; I just did.  So part of me wants to say "might as well give up"  and part of me is like "well, at least you known what you have to do the rest of the week."  I really hate that second voice!  (And no, for those who are wondering, no I am not schizophrenic).  On the plus side, I walked at lunch and now my legs are incredibly sore (  :  And I gained back 3 points!  Hooray!!!!!!!  Ooh, my 4 year old just said she was getting choked by the couch!  Maybe she's schizo.  I really hope not ( :  Well, here goes for a brand new day!

A New Beginning

This is the first day of the rest of our lives.  Well, maybe not.  I've hooked up with my buddies at work to start a weight loss blog.  This will be the place where we can "chat" about our struggles to lose weight and start getting healthy . . . . and fit in new pairs of pants.  To start we're doing some weight loss contracts designed by the lovely Stephanie.  And coming up with exercise options and ways to get moving instead of being stuck in front of our computers . . . all day long . . .So if anybody who sees this blog wants to join . . . or help us come up with some grand ideas, that would be fabulous!!!  Really, I mean it ( :